Back, Forth, Back Back Forth.

Hope.
It seems to be hard for me to grasp these days.

Things have been different.
Changing.
Not necessarily good, or bad.
Just different.

Different faces, less faces, more control.
The monster all of a sudden decided he has a jealous factor.
Now there are less faces.


I have found it hard to eat lately.
Harder than usual.
I havent really had an appetite since Etienne left us, left me.
It became less when we moved to the states.
Less when the monster brainwashed my mother.
And now it doesnt exist.
Cannot be found.

Maybe it is because I try not to be seen.
Spend all day hibernating.
I have too much
I sort of forget about eating.

But I need to.
I need strength,
and lately I have had none.
Ischelle has just been shrinking,
shrinking and achieving disappearance.
The less I am, the less there is.
The less there is, the less can hurt.
Is this Ischelle giving up?

20lbs in 30 days
I need substance.